Time Out
   
   
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April 17th, 2010

Time Out

Behold! The roughs for today’s strip. Inks and colors will surface soon.

With regards to the subject matter in today’s toon, perhaps you can relate?

-Krishna

Here’s my version. Aarti’s (up above) I think works better. Thoughts?

alt (my version)

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14 Comments...

  1. Michael Kinyon
    April 17, 2010 at 9:51 pm | | Reply

    Yep, I agree, Aarti’s is definitely better. :-)

    1. Krishna
      April 17, 2010 at 9:55 pm | | Reply

      I *knew* there was a reason I married her. ;)

  2. Jose Gonzalez
    April 17, 2010 at 10:01 pm | | Reply

    Aarti wins! LOL!!! Her version sets up the gag in a more direct way. What a team!

  3. iDorf
    April 17, 2010 at 10:14 pm | | Reply

    Gotta give it to Aarti – short and to the point!

  4. Barry Buchanan
    April 17, 2010 at 10:44 pm | | Reply

    My wife would NEVER say anything like that to me. She’s too busy on her laptop(s) to notice.

  5. hari
    April 17, 2010 at 11:11 pm | | Reply

    In my honest feedback, neither version works particularly well. They are just a trifle too obvious as punch lines. The joke seems a bit forced in the second version (the line “this machine” was just asking for it).

    Maybe the gag itself doesn’t work so well in any case, so it’s not your comic that’s the problem here.

    Maybe I’m overcritical, but I come to expect high standards of you, so a slight drop does jar slightly.

    1. krishna
      April 18, 2010 at 2:57 am | | Reply

      Hari, sorry it doesn’t work for you.

      1. hari
        April 18, 2010 at 3:54 am |

        Nothing against the comic as such. I think you’ve put the maximum possible impact into it, but the gag itself is not so punchy.

        I always tend to review from a creator’s angle, so my critiques will be a bit more intense than others…

      2. Krishna
        April 18, 2010 at 4:24 am |

        I always struggle with dialogue. It’s the toughest thing for me to get right. I’ve tweaked it yet again.

  6. Rene
    April 18, 2010 at 6:17 am | | Reply

    I agree, Krishna. While people think that drawing is hard, and anyone can write (right?), writing is about ten times as hard as drawing, in the thinking department, that is.

    How about doing a short running story over several days, where you have more time to set up a situation? I like the single strips, but the story in several strips gets me more involved to read the next one. And yes, I know that is even harder. I miss those short stories, though.

  7. hari
    April 19, 2010 at 8:32 am | | Reply

    The new lighting in the panels and the tweaked dialogue actually make this work quite well. :)

  8. Aljiro
    April 19, 2010 at 9:24 am | | Reply

    Hey. This comic inspired me to cookup a blog post. :)

    http://aljiro.com/productivity/taking-a-time-out/

    I have linked to this page and was wondering if I can showcase your strip in my post. Let me know :)

    Thanks

    1. krishna
      April 19, 2010 at 9:44 am | | Reply

      Sure thing, Aljiro! :) Thanks!

      1. Aljiro
        April 19, 2010 at 11:00 am |

        Its up now at http://aljiro.com/productivity/taking-a-time-out/

        Check it out :)

        Thanks again.

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